SPAM. No, not the barely edible processed meat, I’m talking about unsolicited messages we all receive, typically via e-mail. BTW - a common misconception is that SPAM is all junk mail. By the nerdiest of definitions, spam is only the unsolicited messages. If you signed up for a newsletter or a alert every time a new job is posted, that’s not spam, that’s something you asked for. SPAM, by definition, has to be unsolicited.

Another useful tidbit - the term SPAM comes from a famous Monty Python skit - the analogy is that it’s something that keeps coming over and over again even though you didn’t ask for it nor did you want it. Here’s the original skit on youtube, but fair warning, it’s so repetitive that it is a bit painful to watch… much like well, SPAM.

Lots of theories abound for how to solve the spam problem. Filters. Bayesian spam detectors. There is an entire anti-spam industry where companies spend hundreds of millions (billions?) of dollars a year fighting spam.

Fear not, I have the ultimate solution so everyone can stop getting spam. And it’s quite easy, but will take the effort of the world over. Intrigued? Read on.

Why does spam exist? Because advertisers can cheaply and easily reach millions of eyeballs with very low cost. Sure, most of the people that get the e-mail don’t read it. Quite a few are even annoyed. But of the remaining that is left, a few read it. And guess, what, a few of those actually go to the website to see what is being sold. And a few of those wind up buying something.

So a spammer’s math works like this. I send out 10,000,000 messages for the cost of bandwidth and processing time, which can be free if they are using a hacked/hijacked machine, or just a few dollars if they pay someone. Let’s say it costs $25. Sure, ISP’s don’t like this behavior, so they’ll be kicked off, but they just go to the next one.

Of that 10,000,000 messages sent out, let’s say 50% of them bounce, because the spammers e-mail list is out of date, or the person’s inbox is full, or the spam filter rejects them. 5,000,000 left.

Of that 5,000,000 people who get the message, 1% read it. 50,000 left.

Of the 50,000 people who actually read the message, 1% go to the website. 500 left.

Of the 500 people that go to the website, 10% buy something. Assuming they make $25 on each product purchased, that means they make $1250 (50 X $25). Not too shabby a return for $25. In some parts of the world, $1200 is more than people make in a year.

So how do we stop all this madness? Drum roll….

STOP BUYING PRODUCTS FROM SPAMMERS!

If no one buys from spammers, the above formula breaks. Spammers will continue sending spam as long as it works. As long as you one-percenters are out there making it worth their while, they’ll keep leveraging the law of numbers and technology to send us messages we don’t want.

Do your part. Don’t support spammers. Don’t buy products advertised via spam!